Bridget Jones's Diary 精彩片段：
NOVEMBER A Criminal in the Family
Wednesday 1 November 8st 13lb 8oz (yesss! yesss!), alcohol units 2 (v.g.), cigarettes 4 (but could not smoke at Toms in case set Alternative Miss World costume alight), calories 1848 (g.), Smoothies 12 (excellent progress).
Just went round to Toms for top-level summit to discuss the Mark Darcy scenario. Found Tom, however, in a complete lather about the forthcoming Alternative Miss World contest. Having decided ages ago to go as Miss Global Warming, he was having a crisis of confidence.
I havent got a hope in hell, he was saying, looking in the mirror, then flouncing to the window.
He was wearing a polystyrene sphere painted like map of the globe but with the polar ice caps melting and a large burn mark on Brazil. In one hand he was holding a piece of tropical hardwood and a Lynx aerosol, and in the other an indeterminate furry item which he claimed was a dead ocelot. Do you think I should have a melanoma? he asked.
Is it a beauty contest or a fancy dress contest?’
Thats just it, I dont know, no one knows, said Tom, throwing down his headdress — a miniature tree which he was intending to set alight during the contest. Its both. Its everything.
Beauty. Originality. Artistry. Its all ridiculously unclear.’
Do you have to be a pouff to enter? I asked, fiddling with a bit of polystyrene. No. Anyone can enter: women, animals, anything. Thats exactly the problem, he said, flouncing back to the mirror. Sometimes I think Id stand more chance trying to win with a really confident dog. Eventually we agreed that though the global warming theme in itself was faultless, the polystyrene sphere was not, perhaps, the most flattering shape for evening wear. In fact in the end we found we were thinking more toward a fluid sheath of shot-silk-effect Yves Klein blue, floating over smoke and earth shades to symbolize the melting of the polar ice caps.
Deciding I wasnt going to get the best out of Tom over Mark Darcy just at the moment, I excused myself before it got too late, promising to think hard about Swim and Daywear. When I got back I called Jude but she started telling me about a marvelous new oriental idea in this months Cosmopolitan called Feng Shui, which helps you get everything you want in life. All you have to do, apparently, is clean out all the cupboards in your flat to unblock yourself, then divide the flat up into nine sections (which is called mapping the ba-gua), each of which represents a different area of your life: career, family, relationships, wealth, or offspring, for example.
Whatever you have in that area of your house will govern how that area of your life performs. For example, if you keep finding you have no money it could be due to the presence of a wastepaper basket in your Wealth Comer. V. excited by new theory as could explain a lot. Resolve to buy Cosmo at earliest opportunity.
Jude says not to tell Sharon as, naturally, she thinks Feng Shui is bollocks. Managed, eventually, to bring conversation round to Mark Darcy.
Of course you dont fancy him, Bridge, the thought never crossed my mind for a second, said Jude. She said the answer was obvious: I should have a dinner party and invite him.
Its perfect, she said. Its not like asking him for a date, so it takes away all the pressure and you can show off like mad and get all your friends to pretend to think youre marvelous.’
Jude, I said, hurt, did you say, pretend?’