“yes,youare.thestore’sjustdowntheroad,”catsaid,climbingintherx,startingtheengine,andtightlygrippingthesteeringwheel.“iwantedtoaskyousomething.”shecouldbarelyfeelthewarmthofthecarheater.goosebumpsspreadrapidlyupanddownherarms.

“ihadafeelingiwasn’therejusttokeepyoucompany,”puttingonhisseatbelt,jacksmiledatcat,“iknowpeteownsawinery,soheprobablydoesn’tknowmuchaboutmilk,buthey,iamnotacowguyeither.”(ha!funny!butno,notreally,notnow.)

“yes,jack.um…youknowilovesam.”catclutchedherstomachwithonehand,rubbingthetangleoftensionthathadbeensnarlinginsidesincesheboughtthering.

“yep!iamnotblind,youknow?”(youarenothelping,jack!)

“ithinkofourrelationshipasapermanentthing,”catblewashortbreaththroughhernoseandcontinuedcarefully,“and,um,i’mcommittedtomakeitwork.iwouldneverdoanythingdeliberatetohurther.”

“iamsure.samisverylucktohaveyou.”hesaid.

“well,thereisnodoubtthatiamtheluckyoneinourrelationship,butthankyou.”catsaid.“but,see…now…thethingis…iwanttoshowherhowifeel.”suddenlytheheaterfelttoohot,catrolleddownthewindow,“see…thatcommitmentiwastalkingabout…iwanttogiveher…actually,iwantforbothofus.”shedidn’tevennoticethatshehadpassedthestore.“andwell…tradition…and…”(gosh,thisishard!)

shakingherhead,catreachedoverandopenedherpurse,revealingavelvetbox.“mayi?”

jackstartedchucklingandreachedforthebox.“finallydecidedtomakeanhonestwomanofmydaughter,huh?”

onlyatouchofreliefflushedthroughcatwithhiswords,hernervousnessnowcenteredonwhathewouldsaynext.jackopenedthebox.“oh,that’sverypretty.i’msuresamwillloveit.”

catfinallydecidedtopullover,“so,isthatayes?”

“yes,ifyou’reaskingformydaughter’shandinmarriage.”

“really?imean,thankyou.but…really?youdon’tthinkitistoosoon?”

“itisnevertimethatistodetermineintimacy,forsomepeople,twentyyearswouldn’tbesufficientenoughtomakethemacquaintedwitheachother,yettwoweeksaremorethanenoughforothers.”

“thankyou,jack.thanks.”

“you’rewelcome,sowhenareyougoingtoaskher?”

“tonight,afterdinner.”

“goodforyou！oh,cat?doyourselfafavor,though,”hesaid,closingtheboxandputtingitbackinthepurse.“justshowherthering,it’llspeakeverythingforyou.”

谢谢大家的祝福和关心，我现在好了很多了，也相信一切都会好起来的。

过去的两个月可以算是我29岁生命里最灰暗andthemostdisturbingtime，unfortunate的事情一件接连一件发生，带给我的都是些措手不及又无能为力的痛楚。直至今日,theystillhitmelikeacrackacrosstheribcagewheneverithoughtaboutthem.orworse,wheniwasconcentratingonsomethingelseandthesadnessjustsnuckuponme,takingmywindandleavingmeachefromthehurtofloss.energysapped,strengthweakening,appetitegone,desperate,desolatesickness,i’veexperiencedthemallandihatedeverysinglebitofit.ihatedthathopebecamesoelusive,hatedthatwheniwokeupinthemorningalliprayedforwasanuneventfulday.askingforsomethinggoodwasshootingforthemoon.ireallyjustwantedthedaynottoslammeagainstthewall.ididn’tknowhowotherskeepinsistingthateverythingwouldbefine,becauseifeltlikenothingwouldeverbeallrightagain.

butthentheywereright,lifegoesonwithorwithoutpain.ican’tbelostinmylittleworldforever.istillhavetogetupeverymorningandfacewhatlifebringstome.somygreatestgratitudewenttothesecoupleofspecialpersonswithoutwhomiwouldneverhavesurvived,recovered,orfoundmyselfagain.youarethestrongest,kindest,mostgivingandmostbeautifulindividualsi’veeverhadtheprivilegetoknow.youtaughtmeanewdefinitionofhope,faith,loveandrespect.

andtoyou,s,mylove,myinspiration,mypartner...youheldmyhandsandledmeoutofthatterrifyingdarkness,youbreathednewlifeintomyemptybody,andyoushowedmetheimportanceoflivingalifeofcharacterandpurpose.iwanttobetheverybestpersonicanpossiblybebecauseofyou,nowandalways.

hi想念十年前的你，

你说的很对，我们的想法其实不矛盾的。

我的工作就是保护宪法，而修宪的第一条就是freedomofspeech.所以你说“这个社会的好是给了人可以随便说话的权利，你不能封人家的口。我们有抗议的自由，人家也有表述自己观点的自由”我千分之一百同意。这其实也是我对prc媒体的不满所在。但是，就像我以前说过的，发表政治观点是一回事，而在国家电视上散布racialslander，就是另外一回事了。对于有些有思想对中国有那么一点了解的美国人来说，他们听了之后也许会摇摇头笑着说，“whoa,that’sbold.”而那些本来对中国有敌视的没脑派的反应就会是，“bravo,righton!”他们的偏见会越来越深，更激进一点的就会引起冲突和暴力。我在la做检察官的时候，就处理过几个因为racismanddiscrimination引起的犯罪。所以我认为cafferty的话造成了一种负面的，如果不是损坏性的社会影响，andheneedstobestopped.其实，thisisexactlythesamebattleagainstracismthatwe’vefoughtforcenturies,andinmyminds,thesechineseprotestersareinpursuittobringhimtojusticewhilebylawhecan’tbecharged.

我相信并且支持freedomofspeech,这也是为什么我和我的朋友们参加了这次assembly.那天和同事吃饭时，也讨论了这个问题，当时我记得jo是这样说的，

“sohaveyouseenusprotestingwhentheusgovernmentwelcomedthedalailama?soifwearesowillingandeagertohearwhathehastosay,weshouldwelcomethosewhohavepro-chinaopinionsinthiscountry.tohearwhattheyhavetosay.itisalwaysimportanttoseebothsidesofthestorybeforemakingaconclusion.justname-callingandrejectingsomeone"sclaimsbecausetheyhaveaviewdifferentfromwhatyoubelieveisblatantlydiscriminatoryanddoesnotembracetheamericandemocraticpolicyoffreespeech.”