那晚虽然很累，却怎么也睡不着，
翻来覆去的，哥哥在一边打着呼噜。
好不容易放下了对弟弟的感觉，他这么不明不白的一折腾，
我又满心满脑子都是他，
他碰到我的时候和他喊我名字的时候，
心动的那么厉害骗得了别人骗不了自己。
觉得对不起哥哥，也更不知道该怎么再面对弟弟。
5月2日周五
哥哥醒来，骗他说自己来大姨妈了，
所以不能周末过去给奶奶过生日了，我又选择的是逃避。
哥哥知道我每次的第二三天都虚弱的要命，
除了躺床上出汗啥也做不了，就答应了。
早上特意听到弟弟关门离开家后才起来，
来到实验室我定了周六去德累斯顿的车票和旅馆。
一天忙完后，哥哥拉着我去超市，说：“This weekend I can’t be there for taking care of you. So at least I need to let bublik has enough food. Then bublik will not die.”
看着哥哥往购物车里放吃的，我这个头大啊，
我一般出去旅游都是一身轻，吃的都在外面买。
哥哥以为周末我要窝在宿舍里两天，
于是想把两天内的吃的喝的都备齐了，这样我就不用出门了。
结账时，服务员不仅给了我一堆点数积分劵还有好多超市的微型物品模型玩具，
好精致，好喜欢，开车回宿舍的路上一个个打开看，
每个都让我兴奋的不得了，
因为你不知道每个小袋子拆开后会是哪个超市里的小物品模型。
哥哥边开车边乐着说：“Sometimes I really don’t know why I’m so crazy about you. You’re just a stupid strange naughty kid.”
到宿舍后，哥哥一样样把吃的摆进冰箱，
并自夸道：“You own me a big one. I’m the person who transferred your fridge.”
瞬间给跪啊，自从那天从个华人朋友手里接过一个免费的二手冰箱，哥哥帮忙开车运回后，
时不时就要揪出这个梗说一说。
超市点数兑换里有一个是30个外加19欧换一个睡袋，
我跟哥哥表示要攒够了买这个，然后就可以睡在睡袋了，不用和你挤一张床了。
哥哥假装没听到一样，收拾好吃的后，说周日从奶奶那里回来就过来接我，就走了。
5月3日周六
把冰箱所有吃的打包背上就上路了，
要不等周日哥哥来接时，吃的都还在，不就露馅了。
下午到了德累斯顿，check in后逛到天黑才回去，
一个人在旅馆疯狂的想念着弟弟，于是这个帖子就诞生了。
5月4日周日
要不说骗人都会应验呢，早上醒来果然来月经了。
11点多的车票，上午没再出去逛，肚子隐隐不舒服。
长途车上有移动wifi，一直在写帖子。
快到时收到哥哥短信，说太想我了，所以提早回来了，大约6点多就可以到宿舍接我了。
我一下慌了神，我靠……。6点前我能赶回去么
下了车转车快到宿舍时，
不顾虚弱量多小跑着往宿舍赶，
突然看到一辆车很像哥哥的车开进宿舍前的停车场，
慌得掏钥匙时叽里呱啦掉出一堆东西~~
后来证明我傻了，哥哥开弟弟车来接的我。
进宿舍赶快换下旅游的男装打扮，
迅速洗个澡，坐一路车血满胯了都……。
头发还来不及吹干，哥哥就在楼下按了门铃……。真是够险得。
那天屋里的开门键失效，
按了半天楼下的哥哥还是拼命按铃，说明门没开。
我赶快下楼，见到哥哥的一瞬间，
哥哥说：“oh…mein arme bublik, look at your face.”
然后一个打横就把我抱起来了，直接抱回了宿舍。
那天确实流量大可能脸色发白，但我觉得更多因素是吓得。
进屋后拿了需要的大包小包就下楼了。
坐在车里，一下踏实了，也瞬间感觉到疲惫。
哥哥开始话唠：“You were right to not to go with me this time. One of my uncles got drunk and was really scary. I bet if you were there you would be hiding behind me and cry. Hahaha.”
我没说话，看向窗外，心想你也太小瞧我了。
哥哥继续很得意地说：“My parents are really miss you. And my mom told one relative that we will have a mixed child with Asian.”
我靠！我一下惊了：“What?!! What’s that suppose to mean? Why??!”
哥哥：“Crazy? Ja? I also think so. And she even started to prepare the clothes for the child.”
我：“Are you kidding me? Right? Das ist unglaublich.”
哥哥：“hmmm…maybe because my mom couldn’t wait. It’s all about time. You also saw that how much my mom love little Alex. Now she is more like desperating for a grandchild. Let’s fulfill what my mom wants?”说完坏笑的看着我。
我：“nicht lustig.”说完我就不理他了，想结束这个话题。
哥哥接着说：“You know what I found the next day after the birthday part in Alex room? There was two persons.”
我再次惊讶的转过头看着哥哥说：“what? Erica was there?”
哥哥皱眉摇头,叙述说：“No…why Erica? In the morning I opened the door of Alex’s room to check him. I saw a blond girl also in the bed with him.”
“Who is she?”我能感觉到自己的胸膈膜上升，开始气短。
“ahh…I think I know her, one of his sex girlfriends. I must to say, she is really beautiful. I also want to fuck her.”哥哥边点头点说。
或许是荷尔蒙的缘故，我一下就哭了，眼泪像泉涌一样，
哭腔着说：“Why?...he already has a girlfriend. Why would he do that…”
“What! Who said Erica is his girlfriend. Y!! Stop it!! It’s none of your business. Stop crying!!”哥哥心疼加严厉的口气说着。
可我就是停不下来，越哭越伤心，还夹杂着咳嗽，
断断续续抽泣着说：“I have seen the messages in his phone. He called Erica Mein liebes, Kuckuck, Schnucki, Schatz…”
哥哥嘲讽了发了一声怪声，
继续说：“That doesn’t mean anything. Stop crying. Y! Why you so care about him?”
我觉得整个人都空了，只剩下流泪的功能，情绪慢慢平静，
但眼泪继续流，说：“No…Alex is not the person who can say sth like that to anyone. Erica is his girlfriend. I feel hurt here.(捂着心的位置) I can’t breath. He already has a girlfriend. He can`t do that. He can`t sleep with the other girl. It`s forbidden...”
我开始给自己下套，折磨围死自己，不停地重复说着类似的没有意义的话。
哥哥把车停在路边，双手抓住我的肩摇晃，
说：“Y!! Stop it!! You are my girlfriend. Stop thinking and caring about the other man. You are mine.(说到这里把我抱在怀里，头按在他的肩膀) You know how much I already changed for you? Since I’m with you, I force myself to believe that I don’t need sex in my relationship. As long as I can hold you in my arms is enough for me. And also, yes it’s true, I felt really already satisfied to be with you like that. I just want you know, I can change for you and I really want and would like to change for you. I like you so much. Really, really so much. Please, please focus on me. I will become to be the person you like. Look at me, trust me. I will. Leave Alex alone. Let him go. I’m there. And I will always be there. So stop crying. He doesn’t deserve you to do that.”