小伙伴们，我从来不知道应付亲戚会这么累�9�1

露珠已经接近濒死状态，

头疼胃疼一阵阵犯晕还要继续陪笑脸，

23个亲戚外加四个小孩儿……。

而且最最恐怖的是，

妈妈说：＂今晚你们仨睡我和爸爸的双人床。＂

已经跟哥哥确认了我没有听错，

德国家长脑子都怎么想的�9�1�9�1

我问哥哥，以前你的前女友有发生过和弟弟同床三人睡么？

哥哥说没有，说我爸这是头一次过50大寿，头一次这么多亲戚来庆祝�9�1

插播一个今天的事，

晚上7点多所有亲戚都走后，

哥哥突然用大拇指猛擦我鼻头，

我说：“Nonono, not a stain. That was a pimple. I pressed it out in the morning.”

哥哥一副恍然大悟的样子：“ah…that’s why it becomes to be brown, I thought it was the chocolate you accidentally put on your nose when you were helping me to do the cupcake.”

过了两秒我才突然反应过来，

打了一下哥哥说：“We were doing cupcake before noon. You saw it, you thought it was chocolate stain and you didn’t try to tell me immediately?”

哥哥边逃跑边笑着说：“I thought it was funny. hahahah!!”

PS：改良Bat背景是关于不同“主义”用“shit”来解读人生，挂于厕所，上厕所坐下后刚好抬头看。

接着3月16周日讲：

吃牛排的时候一起看了部巨搞笑的电影，

名字忘了，内容大概是一个男的通过心理暗示帮助别人度过一些难关，

结局的时候利用两只大象在冰球场交配来分散大家注意力。

中间有几次三个人都笑的喘不过气来。

电影里的女主角发型好看，

我自言自语说：“Maybe I also should change my haircut.”

弟弟面无表情看着电视说：“Yes, you should. You know? Your head is really big and flat. And your haircut just make it looks even more bigger.”

弟弟就是有种技能，一句话就能给我点火。

然后哥哥就总是跟着白目，说：“I must say, your skull is really strange and also your body bones. Why are you so flat, like a photo from this side to see.”

手掌垂直放鼻前，接着说：“Did you accidently squeeze by something when you were a child?”

我翻了个白眼，说：“I don’t know what you are talking about. Totally focus on the movie right now.”说完上半身倾斜，双肘支在膝盖手托脸做出一副更加专注电影的姿态。

然后弟弟就在我后背用手指从上往下掐我脊椎骨两侧……。

我一开始无视不理，

直到他用两只手胡乱在我后背乱抓乱跳，就像两只疯狂的蜘蛛，

我指着满胳膊的鸡皮疙瘩对弟弟说：“Alex…see what you did to me…”

“Oh~no!! Eklig（恶心）!! Goosebumps everywhere!!”弟弟用怪声音说这句并自己抓耳挠腮的表达他被恶心到了，

然后接着说：“So gross. Hands full of hairs and arms full of bumps, you are definitely not a girl.”

哥哥继续跟着点火：“She is a monkey girl and I`m an ape man.”

“Nonono, she is more like a squirrel. And can you pronounce it？Squirrel?”弟弟盯着我挑衅地问。

听完这句，我和哥哥两个人都傻不愣登的试着说了一遍squirrel，

然后……。哥哥竟然无法正确念出这个词……。

弟弟暂停电影，

播放了一个视频，是好多德国人尝试念这个词，竟然好多都发不了那个音……。

哥哥不高兴了，

撅着嘴说：“You two have so much in common, candy crush, grey’s anatomy, one piece, play cube, and this stupid squirrel blablabla… you two should get married.”

“That’s what I thought.”

我当时也不知道哪根筋不对，这句就秃噜出来了，

而且还带着巨甜蜜的表情看着哥哥……。

听见自己声音后知道傻逼了，

就保持着继续看着哥哥的方向，

颈部瞬间僵硬不敢回头看弟弟。

哥哥狠狠一拍沙发扶手，瞪我一眼就站起来出屋了，

弟弟指着电视对哥哥说：“But you haven’t finished this yet.”

“Muss arbeiten. Protocol schreiben. (得干活了，写protocol去)”哥哥头也不回就走了。