A Victorian Fable(with Glossary)

The Village, take a fright.

In the rookeries.

Here the sloops of war and the dollymops flash it to spie a dowry of parny; there the bonneters cooled their longs and shorts in the hazard drums.

In every snickert and ginnel, bone-grubbers, rufflers, shivering-jemmies, anglers, clapperdogeons, peterers, sneeze-lurkers and Whip Jacks with their morts, out of the picaroon, fox and flimp and ogle.

A Hopping Giles gets a bloody Jemmy on the cross of a cut-throat; the snotters crib belchers, birds eye wipes, blue billies and Randals men.

In a boozing ken in the Holy Land, a dunk-horned cutter -- a cock-eyed clack box in flashy benjamin and blood red fancy -- shed a tear by the I desire.

But when he got the water of life down the common sewer, he bullyragged so antiscripturally that the barney hipped and nabbed the rust.

"This shove in the mouth makes me shoot the cat! Me dumpling depot is fair all-overish!"

He certainly had his hump up. He absquatulated. The bung cried: "Square the omee for the cream of the valley!" But the splodger had mizzled with his half-a-grunter.

At his ruggy carser, his poll -- a killing, ginger-hackled skull-thatcher -- kept on the nose for her jomer.

She had faked the rubber for her mendozy and got him up an out and out glorious sinner. There was an alderman in chains, a Ben Flake, a neddy of Sharps Alley blood worms, with Irish apricots, Joe Savace and storrac.

"Pray God," she said, "that he be neither beargeared, bleary, blued, primed, lumpy, top-heavy, moony, scammered, on the ran-tan, ploughed, muddled, obfuscated, swipy, kisky, sewed up nor all mops and brooms! Or that he hasnt lapped the gutter, cant see a hole in a ladder or been to Bungay Fair and lose both his legs!"

But what a flare-up in the soush! He dropped into her on the spot. Hed got a capital twist for a batty fang and he showed her it was dragging time; she was sick as a horse. He was a catchy fancy-bloke.

"You mouldy old bed-fagot, you rotten old gooseberry pudden, you ugly old Gill, you flea-ridden old moll!" he blasted. "Ill give you jessie, you Mullingar heifer!"

A barnacled cove (a spoffy blackberry swagger with a Newgate fringe) from the top floor back sang out: "Knife it, you head beetler! Stow faking!" But got a stunning fag on the twopenny that sent him half-way to Albertopolis.

She had bought the rabbit with that slubberdegullion. He peppered her and clumped her and leathered her till she went flop down on the Rory OMore and then he stepped it for the frog and toad, to go to Joe Blake the Bartlemy.

He hopped the twig on her.

"He ought to go to the vertical care-grinder!" she chived. "He ought to be marinated! Ill never poll up with a liver-faced, chatty, beef-headed, cupboard-headed, culver-headed, fiddle-faced, glumpish, squabby dab tros like him again!

"Im fairly in half-mourning -- it wont fadge, it just wont fadge. He gives me the Jerry go Nimbles. Ill stun him -- Ill streak. Ill pick up my sticks and cut."

So she bolted and took a speel on the drum to the top of Rome.

On Shitten Saturday, the worms pinned that scaly shaver of hers in a Tom and Jerry for starring the glaze; he went over the stile at Spike Park and got topped.

Glossary

Village, the London

take a fright night (rhyming slang)

rookeries a slow neighbourhood inhabited by dirty

Irish and thieves

sloop of war, a whore (rhyming slang)

dollymop, a a tawdrily dressed maid-servant, a

streetwalker

flash it, to show it, to display ones wares

dowry of parny, a a lot of rain

bonneter, a one who induces another to gamble

cool, to to look, to look over (back slang)

longs and shorts cards made for cheating

hazard drum, a gambling dens, where the honest escape

penniless, if at all

snickert, a low alley way

ginnel, a still lower alley way

bone-grubber, a a person who hunts dust-holes, gutters,

and all likely spots for refuse bones, which

he sells at the ragshops, or to the bone-

merchants

ruffler, a beggar pretending to be an old, maimed

soldier

shivering-jemmy, a a begger who exposes himself, half-naked,

on a cold day to obtain alms. This occupation

is unpleasant but exceedingly lucrative

angler, an a thief who goes about with a rod, having a

hook at the end, which he inserts into open

windows at night on the chance of a catch

clapperdogeon, a a beggar who uses children, either of his own or

borrowed, in order to stir the sympathy of the

charitable

shed a tear, to to take a dram or glass of neat spirits; jocular

phrase used, with a sort of grim earnestness, by

old topers. The origin may have been that ardent

spirits, taken neat by younger persons, usually bring

water to their eyes

I desire fire (rhyming slang)

water of life gin (from aqua vitae?)

common sewer the throat

bullyrag, to to abuse or scold violently; to swindle out of money

by intimidation and sheer abuse

antiscriptural adj - applied to oaths when they are composed of

foul language

barney the company

hip, to to be offended

nab the rust, to to take offence

shove in the mouth, a glass of spirits

shoot the cat, to vomit

dumpling depot belly

all-overish adj. -- sick, unwell, out of order

have ones hump up, to to be in a fearful rage

absquatulate, to depart from an establishment without paying ones

score

bung landlord

square, to to settle a bill

omee man-in-charge; governor; landlord (when used by

a landlord about himself)

cream of the valley gin

splodger lout

mizzle, to to depart with great speed; to vanish

half-a-grunter sixpence

ruggy adj. -- frowsty, unclean

carser house, home

poll young lady with whom a gentleman is having an

irregular relationship

killing adjective of high commendation; outstanding; unique

ginger-hackled adj. -- having auburn or flaxen hair

skull-thatcher a straw-bonnet maker

on the nose, to be on the look-out

jomer sweetheart

fake the rubber, to stand treat in an extravagant manner

mendozy dear, darling; a term of endearment probably from

the valiant fighter, Mendoza

out and out adj. -- first-rate; splendid

glorious sinner dinner (rhyming slang)

alderman in chains, an a turkey hung with sausages

Ben Flake, a a steak (rhyming slang)

neddy, a a large quantity of commodity, as in "a neddy of fruit",

"a neddy of fish"

Sharps Alley blood worms black puddings. Sharps Alley was very recently a

noted slaughtering place near Smithfield

Irish apricots potatoes

Joe Savage cabbage (rhyming slang)

storrac carrots (back slang)

beargeared

bleary

blued

primed

lumpy

top-heavy

moony

scammered

on the ran-tan - adjectives and phrases denoting various stages of

ploughed drunkenness

muddled

obfuscated

swipy

kisky

sewed up

all mops and brooms

lap the gutter, to

not be able to see a

hole in the ladder, to /

go to a Bungay Fair and to have reached the ultimate degree of intoxication. In the

lose both legs, to Ancient Egyptian language, the determinative character of the

hieroglyphic verb "to be drunk" has the significant form of the

leg of a man being amputated

flare-up, a row

soush house (back slang)

drop into somebody, to give them an unprovoked beating

twist appetite, e.g. "Wills got a capital twist for a Ben Flake" or, in

the case of the hero of our anecdote, a capital twist for. . .

batty fang, a a sound beating, a drubbing

dragging time the evening of a country fair day, when the young fellows begin

pulling the wenches about

sick as a horse popular simile denoting extreme ennui

catchy inclined to take undue advantage

fancy-bloke gentleman friend

bed-fagot bed companion

gooseberry pudden woman (rhyming slang)

Gill terms of disapprobation applied to females

Moll

blast, to to curse

give jessie, to to commit assault and battery upon someone

Mullingar heifer said of a lady whose ankles are "beefy", or thick. A term of Irish

origin. It is said that a traveller passing through Mullingar was so

struck with this pecularity in the local women that he determined to

accost the first he met next. "May I ask," said he, "if you wear hay

in your shoes?" "Faith, an what if I do?" said the girl. "Because,"

says the traveller, "that accounts for the calves of your legs coming

down to feed on it."

barnacled adj. -- applied to a wearer of spectacles (corruption of Latin

binnoculi?). Derived by some from the barnacle (Lepas Anatifera),

a kind of conical shell adhering to ships bottoms. Hence a marine

term for goggles, and for which they are used by sailors in a case of

ophthalmic derangement

cove or covey; a man or boy of any age

spoffy adj. -- officious, intrusive

blackberry swagger a person who hawks tapes, bootlaces, etc.

Newgate fringe, a the collar of beard worn under the chin; so called from its indicating

the position of the rope when Jack Ketch operates

sing out, to exclaim in a loud voice

knife it, to to stop, to bring to a halt

stow faking, to to cease evil activity

stunning adj. -- astounding

fag blow

twopenny head

Albertopolis a facetious appelation given by Villagers to the Kensington Gore

district

buy the rabbit, to make a bad bargain; obtain a deal of trouble and inconvenience

by some action

slubberdegullion worthless wretch

pepper, to

clump, to - degrees of beating

leather, to /

flop down, to go to collapse totally

Rory OMore floor (rhyming slang)

step it, to abscond

frog and toad main road (rhyming slang)

Joe Blake the to visit a low woman in a house of ill-repute

Bartlemy, to go to

hop the twig, to to run away; to leave someone in the lurch

vertical care-grinder treadmill

chive, to to shout

marinated, to be transported; from the salt pickling herrings undergo in Cornwall

poll up, to to live with a member of the opposite sex in a state of

unmarried impropriety

liver-faced adj. -- mean, cowardly

chatty adj. -- infested with lice

beef-headed adj.-- stupid

cupboard-headed an expression designating one whose head is both wooden

and hollow

culver-headed adj. -- weak and stupid

fiddle-faced adj. -- applied to those with wizened countenances

glumpish adj. -- of a stubborn, sulky temper (our hero certainly fits the

bill here!)

squabby adj. -- fat, short and thick

dab tros bad sort (back slang)

in half-mourning, to be to have sustained a black eye, or "mouse", in the course of a

tussle

fadge, it wont expression meaning "it just wont do", or "it just wont work"

Jerry go Nimbles diarrhoea

stun, to to astonish

streak, to to abscond

pick up ones sticks and to collect ones possessions and leave an establishment

cut, to without notice; to do a "moonlight flit"

bolt, to to run away, escape

a speel on the to take a trip to the country

drum, to take

top of Rome home (rhyming slang)

Shitten Saturday corruption of "Shut-in Saturday"; the day between Good

Friday and Easter Sunday

worm policeman

pin, to to arrest, to apprehend

scaly adj. -- unpleasant, disgusting

shaver young person

Tom and Jerry, a a drinking shop

star the glaze, to to break the window or show-glass of a jeweller or other

tradesman, and take any valuable articles and run away.

Sometimes the glass is cut with a diamond, and a strip of

leather fastened to the piece of glass cut out to keep it from

falling in and making a noise. Another plan is to cut the sash

go over the stile, to to go for trial (rhyming slang)

Spike Park the Queens Bench prison

topped, to be to be executed. Which the brute richly deserved